Another Beginning

It's the beginning of my third year of studies in college and I think I'm actually starting to learn something. Today, I happened upon a blog of a student that did a gap year after high school. After reading it, I must say that I wish I did a gap year. I think that after going through so many years of structured education, my brain's been trapped and I have yet to truly mature. I think that I would've really appreciated a push to help me reach that next level of maturity.

Of course, I realized that I think that this isn't necessary. Before, I always imagined that if I had only done a gap year or some sort of adventurous ordeal, I'd get that moment where I'd reach an amazing epiphany and know exactly what I want to do and who I am. Now, after reviewing my past two years in college, I realize that I'm pretty satisfied with the progress I've made. There's been a lot of laughter and a lot of tears in the past two years. I've really changed as a person and I've learned a lot about myself. Still, I have a lot more to learn.

Some things I've learned about myself:

1. I LOVE STUDYING AND LEARNING. When I tell people this, they usually laugh at me and think I'm crazy. I mean, I am crazy, but I believe it's fair to say that most people are a degree of craziness in them. Before, I've always felt the need to antagonize myself because I'm not a very social person. I don't particularly like partying and I'm still fairly awkward with guys. Coherent and normal conversations are still difficult sometimes. Most times, I just wish I was reading about receptor tyrosine kinases or the elections or health policy. Now, I'm starting to accept it. I mean, knowledge is really awesome.
2. I AM SOCIALLY AWKWARD. I've said it once and I'll say it again because it is true without a doubt. I always feel very self conscious when I'm interacting and I don't know how to open my damn voice and just talk to people. I still feel like I'm being judged and I care a lot about what others think about me. I know, I know. I'm subscribed to Marc and Angel's blog, too. Still, I don't really know what I can do about it accept keep fighting the urge to care about what others think about me. Sometimes, I just need to speak and not be scared of being judged. I've found that being quiet is worse than anything.
3. I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. This is true and again the antagonism comes in. I hate that I'm not good at keeping friends. I always have this thought that it's strange to talk to people I haven't talked to in a while. Which is crazy because there's just nothing wrong with it. Of course I have learned that there are just a lot of people that I'll never be really great friends with but I should learn to generally be friendlier and talk to those that I have made real connections with. I also need to really appreciate the friends I have. I really do love them.

So, in other words, I've learned that:

1. I LOVE THAT I LOVE STUDYING AND LEARNING.
2. I WON'T ALWAYS BE SOCIALLY AWKWARD, I THINK.
3. I LOVE THE FRIENDS I HAVE AND I DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE THAT I DON'T HAVE.
4. ALSO, I THINK LIFE'S PRETTY AWESOME!